Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
