have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
