did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
