You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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