It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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