he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
