Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Houston, we have a blender
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
