My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
