Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
