Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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