if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
