it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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