I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
