I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sponge bath it is.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
