super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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