Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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