Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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