dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
