I think i peed on brittanys purse
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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