your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
