I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
