Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize