I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
