you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
