How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
