I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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