just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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