So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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