you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
