32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
