Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
