Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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