Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
