fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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