I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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