I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
