What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
