I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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