hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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