Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
