3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
