That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
