I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
