the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
