You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
