I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
