just come out here and I will go home with you...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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