Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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