Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
