I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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