Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
