Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
3pm strippers are depressing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
