Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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