its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
