The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
