foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
