I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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