Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
