you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
