he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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