Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
