addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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